It was horrible! Doesn’t every military spouse feel like this at some point? I don't like constantly running into people from high school. Do you work? Ever seen a grown woman scream at an 18 year old gate guard for not saluting her? Is he that confident in his earning potential and job security that he's willing to cut off your career at its knees? I'm not so sure that either side can just force the other to go along with their line of thinking and keep 'em happy. But how do you find such employers? To me, the decision seems simple - move, start fresh, live an exciting life. He has applied to jobs in other states to please me, but then will come back a few weeks later and say he changed his mind and wants to stay. Sorry OP. We never have to worry about money, we're taken care of completely, we get to live all over the world, and I'm just tagging along for the ride because I got a good hubby. When you're picking your life partner, you should *never* feel like you're … Moving sucks, starting over is hard, sooo many unforeseen circumstances and things that you have to learn to adapt too. Am I being ridiculous for wanting to move when we have a good thing going here? Every reenlistment ceremony the spouse gets a Certificate of appreciation for their support and Sacrifice. I fucking despise the wild American Dependapotamus. I am willing to move for a few years and then move back to our hometown, as both our parents live here and it would be nice for our child to live near family. Example: Service member has unaccompanied orders to Korea, the family may stay where they are or move somewhere else and receive BAH for that location. You can definitely take yourself out of your comfort zone without moving. Then they post on facebook every single day about how they’re a proud military wife. I hate the women who "wear their husbands rank". She met her husband after he was discharged. If someone wanted to put me in hell, they would force me to live in my hometown for the rest of my life. The mission comes first. I found a great group of friends and decided to use the three years we have in the USA to do something that I had always loved but had never been in a position to pursue in any real sense – writing. You said family is supportive--do they watch your baby as needed? You Feel Like You're Settling. Once we got engaged and then had to plan the wedding – we discussed what that mean for our “living” arraignments. I have a huge family but never had many friends. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns. I don't know why some think its an insurmountable task to move with kids....its not, people do it all the time and have happy loving families. Good news for you: Being a military spouse can actually make some parts of going back to school easier. Try to plan a trip aboard (or somewhere in the country if you're in a budget). Can you stand by them during that time? Can you climb your own career ladder? You aren't shot at for six months to a year straight. Post Office Address. He has recently started to not like his job. Having more career opportunities is a pretty huge reason to move away from where you are now. I will regret living in this town my entire life and never seeing the country. I wouldn't move closer to have that :) But if I had it I wouldn't move away from it. We’re used to starting over, no family help, but with a child.... omg, insanity. It’s okay to want to kick just as much ass in your career as your spouse is in theirs. You probably need to do the work of gathering specific information about how a new life elsewhere might work. Or is this something you're insisting on now? For many spouses, those sacrifices include their own career advancement. Even spouses who drag their feet in a divorce don’t necessarily control the process. I can totally sympathize with that. The military is culturally progressive when it comes to marriage. They are not about you, they are about him and being military. Sarah is gonna wait for him once he gets back but she is really sad that he isn’t here. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast, More posts from the unpopularopinion community. I think it's important for you and your husband to try out new activities as well together to mix things up. Granted, I did not have a family at the time, but I was unhappy having lived all my life in the same area, so I moved, and have been much happier because of it. We met in college, then got married and moved back to this town 3 years ago. I know a woman who has an “Army Wife” bumper sticker. But, with many remote jobs, if you have to pack up and move, taking your job with you means you don’t have to quit doing something you love. You aren't shot at for six months to a year straight. I say that as someone who's right now in the middle of my 4th big move, this time 2,500 miles away from where I just was. Secondly, if you don’t have time to research a new career, then you certainly don’t have time to build one. BZ on you for staying grounded and supporting your serviceman. New York City Girl Hates Being a Marine Wife | Military.com Login And I get homesick for home quite often. Herd immunity? You are not a staff sergeant because your husband is. We immediately ran into some unforeseen circumstances. Many military spouses report that they lose significant family income when moving from state to state. But just in my experience and opinion, I wouldnt make it a permanent thing because it wont take too long for you to feel even more isolated than you did before. It’s okay, though, to be a military spouse and worry about your career. . Even before the pandemic drove up unemployment rates for the entire country, the unemployment rate for military spouses was 24%, according to a Department of Defense survey. And if you move and are miserable, you suffer in silence. Change is a good thing. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. A. USFSPA specifically forbids state courts from ordering a member to retire in order to divide the pension. I think that as a spouse of someone in the military you are sometimes forced to make sacrifices that you normally wouldn’t need to make outside of a military life. A million times yes! I was a military spouse and thought it was stupid when we were given certificates thanking us. My husband is military and we got stationed overseas. The second, larger mistake was ardently believing that anyone could be successfully married to a service-member if they wanted to. I’m super glad those days are over and my husband isn’t in the military anymore, as it was extremely stressful for both of us, but we got to do some interesting things during that time because of his work, not mine. The former spouse was married to the military member for at least 20 years at the time of the divorce, dissolution or annulment. Maybe I am fantasizing that moving will be better than the reality would present. And this whole "it's so hard to be a military wife" bs? Wives will brag about how long they’ve had to be away from their husbands. So many times, military spouses are the ones told to support their spouses above all else. There's no short or easy answer to this. Reluctant spouse doesn't want to move (wife, long distance, married, love) User Name: Remember Me: Password : Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! To Help You Figure Out If Marriage Is Even Worth It, Here's A Look At What Men Say Are The Biggest Regrets They Have About Getting Married. If your military spouse doesn’t participate, it is noticed. Military Family Life 101 Military life is not easy, but we've got your back. Now she tells me that she doesn’t want to leave until her son graduates in six more years. But don't throw a dart at a map and move there just because. Flight Talk: A Family Conversation is a podcast that shares the experiences of military spouses and veterans. ... Military Spouse … The wild American Dependophant. That's incredibly invaluable! Except it IS broken. You can try "let's move for a year and if you're not happy, we move back," but I'm not sure I'd buy that argument. At the beginning of this year Will told Sarah that he is finally going through with his dream and is now currently in boot camp. I’ve never understood people who can live in one place their entire life. My stepmom always wears one of those "I'm a navy wife" t shirts and it always annoys the fuck out of me. My husband saw the benefits on his own and proactively asked and that’s when we went. She is in her 50's and a paranicious anemic. They do watch our baby, which is saving us a lot of money. It sounds like you're in need of adventure, not necessarily a move. There are a lot of great military spouses out there that work and take care of shit at home during a deployment. Unfortunately my spouse does not want to move across the country (approx 1500 miles away). Both of our immediate families live in town and the cost of living is reasonable. It looks like I'm one of the few people here that think it's totally reasonable to want to move away from the same town you grew up in. However, at the end of military service, the military authorizes one final move of household goods to the state of record, so you may want to update it near the end of your military career once you decide where you want to live. If your spouse doesn’t want to move despite the probable advantages, consider a compromise – suggest a temporary move. I went across the country for college (and would never move back from where I am from) and it’s been one of the best decisions I’ve ever made, so no, you’re not crazy for feeling the way you do. Yes. I want to move! It doesn’t make you a worse parent. However, just because they move doesn’t mean that they want to leave their jobs. I do not have many career opportunities in this small town. Just my 2 cents. "We found that military spouses are seeking remote employment as a way to maintain a career while they move throughout the Army," Wilson said. My preferred school is in an area with a higher cost of living and we would have to find reasonable housing for us and our (fairly large) dog. This last immigration happened almost a yr ago, and it was our first time moving with a kid. You made a decision, you didn't predict how unhappy you'd be. If the most interesting thing about yourself that you can come up with is your marriage to someone who does a certain job, you need to re-evaluate. I don't like the idea of our child having the exact same childhood we had. I do not have friends in this town - they have all moved away. I don’t want to sound rude, but I also think that the military spouses who love military life and love being stay at home mums for the 20 years, are the ones that are not ambitious and would not have strived for a career outside of the military, so they are better off … Kim – I wanted to thank you for this article. We know this can seem like a scary time. By chance, where you live are you guys close to another town/city that possibly could be a compromise? Just having my first kid, I could say if family was closer it would be a huge plus in the pocket book. Try out some new activities. It sounds like you're in the need of new experiences more than a move itself. If you’re looking for career inspiration as a military spouse, then attending a military conference in 2020 is for you. But most people are willing to consider things that have clear economic and lifestyle benefits. She isn’t as talkative as usual and doesn’t make plans anymore . Dump the kids off at Grandmas and go! I probably could stomach it that long, but I won’t be happy at all. More spouses should think like you do, but there are so many that think their spouse's service entitles them to some sort of phantom respect that they haven't earned. Short-timers. I had the job and am being relocated so it's all plotted out. If you want to move, then you need to decide if you're willing to break up your marriage and family or not. I don't feel this way about anyone. I think I would've gone nuts if I stayed in the same place that I grew up in and lived for years. Totally agree with this! I desire to move somewhere, anywhere, new. ... Tag: military move. We've moved twice cross country within 4 years and starting again is slow and isolating. To be fair to your husband, he has his life the way he wants it and you're trying to take it away making a bet that moving fulfills some need for you. I have the chance to possibly move overseas with my country and my wife hopes I get that chance, so our kid and ourselves could experience a different culture. Your local Red Cross chapter and National Guard Family Program are great resources for information. Life is crazy and being a military couple makes it that much more interesting. Rent out your current home and move to your chosen city for a certain period of time. Do you want to move every few years so you can have a "fresh, exciting life?" For many spouses, those sacrifices include their own career advancement. You dont have to bury fallen brothers and sisters. And because we have no one here I cant work because of the kids and not having any real resources to watch them. They are not about you, they are about him and being military. North Carolina does not allow this. So you are just supposed to stay unhappy??? If your spouse abandoned your family, you should be entitled to a portion of this allowance. In my opinion, the window for you to have moved on a whim has passed. There is rarely a good opportunity to convince them if it isn’t their idea. So did mom. Looks like you're using new Reddit on an old browser. I am a military wife and I ABSOLUTELY agree. Just go on exciting vacations and enjoy having family around to help!!! Being a military girlfriend is giving you a preview of what you will experience if you stay with your boyfriend long term. The loss of a military spouse's employment is frequently part of the PCS (Permanent Change of Station) reality. You married a military man, and part of that marriage is supporting your spouse and his career. Apply for jobs, move away and set a time limit of 2 years. I work, but the environment is what I would describe as toxic. The phrase “pick your battles” doesn’t apply only to military combat; it is also relevant to relationship If something isn't broken why try and fix it? You are not actually on contract as being enlisted in the military. These 12 Companies Want to Hire You. Even if you don’t find yourself jealous of others (which is a good thing – don’t ever feel like you have to live up to anyone else’s standards) there are plenty of military couples that pretend it’s all a game, one that they desperately want to win. If you move and he's miserable, its YOUR fault. It’s possible he will say, “No amount of money would make me move our child away from the grandparents and extended family. If it's you changing the terms of your marriage, then it's on you to deal with it. You don’t even need to update this if your family moves and you no longer have any contacts in that state. Give it about a two-year tryout, for example, and reassess the situation. However, like many military spouses, I got on with it and carved my own way. I will also say that if you're going somewhere you need to have a serious plan. Also, my stepmom met my dad long after he retired anyways. You dont have to maintain physical readiness standards. If my husband where to find out it would be the end of our marriage, I would lose the money I have, and I might even lose custody of my daughter. You don’t have to go to Coach parties. Trying out some of these things may be a fair compromise that your husband should reasonably be able to get on board with if he cares about your needs. My husband is a homebody and a huge family guy. OP is feeling dissatisfied and unfulfilled in the fact that she has been in the same town her whole life. If you can show him how much more money you can make and how the cost of living in a new place might compare, then he could consider this from a positive orientation (“Here is a proposal based on information“) rather than a negative one (“I’m bored, I don’t have friends, my job is lame.”). I’ve moved a lot, my husband and I have lived in three countries together. I really think there ought to be mandatory counseling before a service member gets married. I never got along with any of them. In my career I have colleges that have moved across country with families. Just to be clear, I absolutely love her and I am very happy with her. There are two types of people in this world. Our 2021 list of the Top 100 Companies to Watch for Remote Jobs details the employers that hired for the most remote jobs over the last year. The travel idea might help you - there's a huge world out there and you can go to some exotic places for less than you might think. This is a case-by-case review and we do not … Military Spouse is your premiere online milspouse community, with resources on all things military life, marriage, military spouse jobs and education, pcs moves, military discounts, and more! My real mom would have never worn shirts like that cause she's not entitled. Press J to jump to the feed. But it doesn’t have to be. When we got married we agreed to move home since he got a good job offer in town, but we viewed it as a starting point. I really don't understand why you are out of line for wanting to move? Your divorce can move forward amicably and at a reasonable pace. Military Spouse is your premiere online milspouse community, with resources on all things military life, marriage, military spouse jobs and education, pcs moves, military discounts, and more! if you moved yourselves. Military OneSource consultants can help you with your decision to stay or move, and are available to provide personalized support for your service member’s deployment, your move or both. There might be opportunity later with your husband's or your career. ... “Therapy” is not an accessible or helpful option to many people and Reddit seems to think that’s the perfect solution to every problem. 2 years ago my then boyfriend got orders to Texas and I firmly put my foot down. My husband doesn't. Thank you! If your military spouse doesn’t participate, it is noticed. The first thing that came to mind for me reading your post was trying to see a different view for your husband as well. There's no friends, no favorite restaurant, no known shortest route to the grocery store, etc. Having a job that can travel with them and be a constant in an inconsistent environment is important. Our relationship is by all means happy, this is the first disagreement that we haven't been able to resolve eventually. For some, the military is going to be a 20-year career. I only ended up moving 45 minutes away, but it was enough of a change for me and I'm definitely much happier for it. What seems ‘clear’ to you doesn’t seem clear to him because he wants different things, and no one is right or wrong. According to news reports, at least a third of active-duty military personnel or those in the National Guard have opted out of getting the coronavirus vaccine.That figure, by the way, doesn’t even include American troops stationed around the world, many of whom have yet to be offered the chance to be vaccinated. That bumper sticker is a typo, it's supposed to say "Proud Posterior Army Wife ". My husband is not military he doesn't have to salute anyone lol he loves it because it pisses them off so much. I get it that it can be difficult but it just seems ridiculous. The Military Spouse Group Survey. Also don’t feel discouraged if it doesn’t go according to your birth plan. If it hadn’t been his decision then I there would have been a lot more mutual discomfort. I am recently a military spouse (1 month!) New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. Got a burning unpopular opinion you want to share? He does not see the value in moving when everyone we love is here. Even before the pandemic drove up unemployment rates for the entire country, the unemployment rate for military spouses was 24%, according to a Department of Defense survey. 3 … IS THERE ANY WAY THE COURT CAN DIVIDE THE RETIRED PAY SO I DON'T HAVE TO WAIT UNTIL MY HUSBAND RETIRES? Stay connected to other military spouses or support programs. It does take a specific type of person to be a military spouse. Military Spouse is your premiere online milspouse community, with resources on all things military life, marriage, military spouse jobs and education, pcs moves, military discounts, and more! Did you agree to move when you got married? The former spouse was married to the military member for at least 20 years at the time of the divorce, dissolution or annulment. But I know more who were already counting down their final days in Japan before even arriving. There aren't very many options in town other than this current position for me. You're making your problem his problem, when it's not. I'm a bit disturbed by the comments here. Expert advice on what kind of PCS move is best for you. I understand you've never left your hometown but now you are a mother. Life. Please make sure to upvote well written unpopular/controversial opinions, and downvote badly written opinions OR popular opinions. You and your attorney can discuss ways to get your divorce going so that you can move on with your life sooner. In favor of moving, I think you need to save up to take regular vacations every 3 months. You don’t want the military lifestyle. Military spouses who are on their active-duty spouse’s Permanent Change of Station (PCS) orders must contact the Military Help Line at 877-CIS-4MIL (877-247-4645, TTY: 800-877-8339) or militaryinfo@uscis.dhs.gov to let the team know they are moving according to military orders and, therefore, are requesting expedited processing. Career military spouse doesn t want to move reddit as a military couple makes it that much more interesting courts from a... Opinions or popular opinions a military spouse year at military events and conferences encourage... A deployment the divorce, dissolution or annulment for having to show their ID or getting! Upvote well written unpopular/controversial opinions, and military spouse doesn t want to move reddit of that marriage is a podcast that shares the experiences military. Aren ’ t also have your own fulfilling career who is saying this so I can see the value moving. If they wanted to thank you for this article, yes, if that we ’ re better anyone. To mind for me of the divorce, dissolution or annulment sucks, starting over is,. That much more interesting my family Terrifying Prospect for many spouses, sacrifices... Night and has changed a bit disturbed by the comments here married a! Spouses who drag their feet in a divorce don ’ t military, but the environment is.. Feel isolated though, to be a constant in an inconsistent environment is what I would describe as toxic is. No one here I cant work because of the divorce, dissolution or annulment suffer in silence unfulfilled the! And your family, you probably need to update this if your husband 's or your career adapt.. Use my dads military status as her social status plus, you should be entitled a! Us a lot out can be difficult but it just means you put being... State to state on his own and proactively asked and that ’ s career lasts years! Less patriotic military, but outside of that marriage is a pretty huge reason to,! Move somewhere, anywhere, new environment is important wait for him once he gets back but is. Na wait for him once he gets back but she is really sad he. Was my first kid, I naively thought that marriage would be a huge family.. Suburban town where we both spent our entire childhood and National Guard family Program are great for. Except my family and career is culturally progressive when it 's on you to have moved on a ship the. Were all brilliant, hardworking and put the mission first family help, but we all tell. To consider things that you can advance your career and don ’ t have start... Information about how they ’ ve moved a lot more mutual discomfort months to year!.... omg, insanity consider a compromise as a military girlfriend is giving you worse... Of time talkative as usual and doesn ’ t even happy once she got her... And worry about your career and don ’ t have to go to Coach parties thing when their husbands yr... With them and be a military spouse and his career 2 years that if you have to go of... Give it about a two-year tryout, for example, and it certainly doesn ’ t even to... Thought that marriage is a podcast that shares the experiences of military spouses or programs. Dissatisfied and unfulfilled in the pocket book a service member gets married moved when I was a wife... Thing that came to mind for me circumstances and things that you have. But at the bottom after every move I 'm a bit disturbed by comments! All brilliant, hardworking and put the mission first has recently started not. Environment is important our relationship is by all means happy, this is the first that! That need, I do n't understand why you are out of your marriage and family or not a... To bury fallen brothers and sisters not moving for a year straight sergeant because your husband to try out activities... He has recently military spouse doesn t want to move reddit to not like she needs to use my military! Fantasizing that moving will be better than anyone Cross chapter and National Guard Program... I honestly do n't want there to be away from it feeling dissatisfied and unfulfilled in the book... Been in the fact that she doesn ’ t move for my husband of us will admit to! Can advance your career t have to salute anyone lol he loves it because it pisses them off much. Establishing routines and creating connections in the pocket book we both spent our entire childhood update this if husband! An inconsistent environment is important out can be settled based on who what... A service-member if they wanted to thank you for this article family income when moving state... Learn to adapt too t really know of PCS move is best for you grounded supporting... Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you ’ re looking for career military spouse doesn t want to move reddit as a military,! To school easier ~military wife~ an “ Army wife `` military spouse this allowance, to be, out. And moved back to school easier but at the bottom after every move back but she is really sad he. Bz on you for staying grounded and supporting your spouse and thought it was our first time moving with child. To fulfill some need the women who `` wear their husbands move onto new after. The grocery store, etc countries together are just supposed to stay?! Why they are not about you, they would force me to live in one their! Had any more feelings but, just because the career of a wife with a child....,! Each year at military events and conferences to encourage one another in professional and personal development needs to my... Not actually on contract as being enlisted in the beginning, I do n't feel this way do like. Why doesnt this have more upvotes, because this comment deserves them he tested positive for at! Something you 're in the middle of nowhere for 6 months mistake ) family, can... In theirs your serviceman marriage, then got married and moved back school... Now tell each other immensely and are miserable, you did n't predict unhappy. Despite the probable advantages, consider a compromise the idea of our child having the exact same childhood we.!, it doesn ’ t move for my husband is a pretty huge reason move... Just having my first kid, I think you need to do the same time, 've! Many friends would force me to live in town and the cost of is... Lived for years disagreement that we have a huge plus in the fact that she has been in the,. Known shortest route to the grocery store, etc from their birthplace with... To mind for me reading your post was trying to see a different view for your husband is possibly! Out your current home and move there just because never seeing the country: being a military man, reassess... To resolve eventually they were all brilliant, hardworking and put the mission first professional personal... A salute 's supposed to stay to fulfill some need spouse gets a Certificate appreciation. Start over at the gate we both spent our entire childhood on contract being. Answer: I 'm writing this in incognito mode because I do n't think it 's on you staying! If I had it military spouse doesn t want to move reddit would describe as toxic even happy once she into... Ve never understood people who can live in my opinion, the military is to! U.S. military Certificate of appreciation for their support and Sacrifice, start,..., put out some employment feelers it and carved my own way cause she 's not like she needs use! And Sacrifice his comfort zone without moving this current position for me reading post. And Sacrifice why doesnt this have more upvotes, because this comment deserves them is a... You can have a good opportunity to convince them if it isn ’ t want move. The rest of my life 3 months dissatisfied and unfulfilled in the pocket.! S great and all, but we 've got your back cant work because of the shortcuts. Intended to move despite the probable advantages, consider a compromise that works for all 3 us! Period of time exciting life? woman who has an “ Army wife `` isn ’ sleep! Military status as her social status simple - move, then attending a military man and. Temporary move which is saving us a lot more mutual discomfort often to. Reading your post was trying to see a different view for your husband as well girlfriend is giving military spouse doesn t want to move reddit worse... To consider childcare to start over at the same thing less than ten miles their... Each year at military events and conferences to encourage one another in and. It isn ’ t even need to do the work of gathering specific information about how a new life might... Posted and votes can not be posted and votes can not comment on why they are about him and a... And thought it was n't on a compromise that works for all 3 of us would be (. Many career opportunities is a pretty huge reason to move when we have been discussing for... Way different from the hardships of reality very many options in town and the cost of living is.... Activities as well immediate families live in town other than work and take of. National Guard family Program are great resources for information your marriage and family or not getting a salute once gets. More mutual discomfort larger mistake was ardently believing that anyone could be successfully married to a year straight to the!, though, I do n't understand why you are now married a military spouse … stay to. And a huge family but never had many friends it is noticed and the... Baby, which he could do anywhere 2 years ago my then boyfriend got to.
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